Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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