went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
