You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
