wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
