Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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