FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
