one might say we're banned from that church
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
