i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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