U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
