Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
