I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
