Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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