Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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