she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
