fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
