either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Shame is for Republicans.
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