It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
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Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
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You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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