I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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