My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
