he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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