i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
how drunk are you?
Several
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
