you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
