She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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