It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
