What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
