oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
