I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
