i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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