they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
