im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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