gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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