I faked an abortion last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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