ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
