Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Why is your signature on my underwear?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
