dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
