got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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