I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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