I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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