I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
