i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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