in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
