Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
