There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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