My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
