someone get that fucking seahorse.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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