I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
