I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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