no, he came in my armpit
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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