Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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