): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
