Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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