found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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