And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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