gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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