And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
