my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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