hell yes lets make some ravioli
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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