My cat gives me a boner
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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