Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
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