my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
