I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
