Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
