i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
