we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
