i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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