The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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