I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
