i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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