I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
