we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
