I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize