5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
