Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
