I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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