Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
