He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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